Friday, July 16, 2010

Why am I sabotaging myself?

Well here I go again! Same thing I do everytime the weight starts coming off. I become complacent & relax on my morals when it comes to food! Its just not right when I have been eating right for the last 8-9 weeks!! There has always been chocolate of some sort in the house or oreo bikkies so its not like its a new thing!

Yet I find myself grabbing a chocolate (snack size one) here & there, as well as when I get up through the night to make Tilly a bottle I am eating 1-2 oreos! WTH! I know that I will feel like shite after I eat it so why do I continue to put myself through this. Why am I trying to sabotage what I have worked so hard to get rid of? Seriously, what is my problem!

On the other hand I am eating well for my main meals & snacks (IF I have my snacks), I am also exercising regularly and am even pretty much burning close to if not going over the 1000 cals per day! Maybe I need to up the anti so that I can feel myself working for the loss. At the moment its a case of gym 3 times a week, zumba once a week then I just have to fit in 2 more days which I do easily since living in the country you can always walk somewhere or I can get on the cross trainer. I have really no excuse not to be working harder. Consistancy is key as burning 1000 cals is norm for me now.

So what do I do? I have to get out of this mindset that I am putting in the ard work of burning the calories therefore a few chocs will be fine! ITS NOT! I dont want to throw away all the work I have done to get to this point. Once again I am letting not just myself down with every chocolate I eat, but I am also letting down Michelle & Amelia who work so hard to put this program together to keep us honest. I am so glad I have this blog so that times like this I can write about it and hopefully get some insite into what the hell I am thinking!

I have gym at 7am tomorrow & after last nights intense weights session i am hoping we do a full cardio session! If the PT does, then I think I will push myself so hard that I WILL feel the burn, I WILL know that I am working hard and most of all I WILL use this as punishment for my relaxing on this when I know I shouldnt be!

Will check in again tomorrow as I think I need to blog daily! It seems when I do, I keep to my word & keep to my mission!

I havent even done my fitness test yet :( I think I am scared of not doing any better. I also look at these fabulous mini milestones people have planned & I just have no idea what to do. Running a whole kilometre would be a milestone for me but its no where near the calibre of the mini milestones chatted about :(  I am also down since one pair of size 12 pants I have do up so I went & purchased another (albeit from vinnies), got them home & there is no way I will get them done up. Here I was thinking I was so close when in fact I am no where near it! Breaks my heart & also my will power.


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