Monday, May 31, 2010

So far down but back on the up again!

Well what a few days I have had. I hit a very real low point on Friday after just not getting any sleep with Matilda. I was pleased with myself that I didnt turn to junk food as I normally would have though ;) I did however skip exercise on Friday (other than a quick walk) and nothing at all on Saturday. Its quite weird how you can feel so horrible within yourself that you jsut dont want to do anything. I was like that on Friday. A mix of being tired and cranky all jsut caught up and I almost broke down. I spent the day crying mostly and feeling very horrible. Not even a walk made it feel better.

By Friday afternoon though I was feeling so much better after taking what Michelle had told us all about excuses and put it into play with my real life and not just exercise! I made a plan to hopefully get Matilda to sleep and I sat down and got stuck into some of my uni work that was just piling up and late. I actually organised myself by just doing it and finding a solution! Made life so much easier to get through what I would call almost one of my darkest days.

I have alot to get through today so going for a long walk shortly so that the exercise is done and dusted for the day! Otherwise by afternoon I know the excuses will be coming out and its also a bit too cool to have Matilda out in her pram then as well. Had a sneaky look at the scales this morning. 1.3kg since Wednesday.....HELL YES! This is looking very real to be the first time that I might actually achieve something. I am a quitter. I always give up before things are finished. I am going to be strong this time! No falling off the wagon this time for me! I think staying on is going to be much better.

Oh mum took me shopping yesterday (lol yep 33 years old and my mummy still takes me shopping to make me feel better) :D. I got some new Nike Air Alaris (i think they are), the Nike +ipod attachment so I can acuralty measure how far im walking and in what time then finally, I got Mish's cook book. This should keep me honest until the round actually starts as well as help should there be anything I don't really like in the menus when they come out. I am not one for kangaroo, nor is my family so that night I can have a look through her cook book and have something else knowing it will still be good for me.

Anyways blog writing isnt helping me on my mission for today of getting at least one essay written! Will blog more later on this evening.

Mwah to all xoxo

Friday, May 28, 2010

Matildas lack of sleep isnt a new thing. This has been ongoing since she was born!

Tilly has always been a terrible sleeper. By the time she was 6 weeks she was jsut constantly screaming to which the doctors said she ad reflux. Fair enough so we were given zantac and sent home. She slept so good for about a week and then everything started undoing again. I took her back to the doctors when she was around 2mths old. Nothing wrong I was told, babies cry its what they do. I started thinking I must be over exaggerating all this since yeah its true babies do cry. I saw our early childhood nurse who again told me to take Tilly back to the doctors as something wasnt right. So off I went, back again to a different doctor this time. I was shocked when this time around I was told that it was my fault she cried since she was getting held so much! I walked out and didnt wait to hear anything else she had to say. Now they were blaming me. I knew there was something not right but noone was listening :(

I finally bit the bullet and paid out a fortune to see the doctor here in town (its $65 a visit). She immediatly diagnosed Matilda with a severe middle ear infection and that she had it for a few weeks. WTH I was so angry since she had been to 2 different doctors in that time. I also FINALLY talked this doctor into giving me a referral for a paediatrician. Problem was I couldnt get in until Tilly was around 6mth old and that was 2mths away! The sleep got a little better but again once the ear infection was good she went backwards. The childhood nurse suggested I try goats milk formula. I was ready to do anything. So changed her to goats milk. I even tried visiting a naturopath but nothing worked. In the end the reflux medication wasnt working and neither was the change of formula. I put her back on normal formula and stopped the reflux medication since it was doing nothing anyhow. I decided that would give her body one month to clear anything out ready to see the pead.

For 4 weeks I lived on little sleep but I knew the date was getting closer so worked my way through it all. Day of appointment came and as soon as I walked in the office, described her symptoms to him including the fact I was now having to change her nappy every hour cause she was dirty, he immediately said put her onto soy formula.  I was shocked. Could something as easy as putting her on soy work? I even got a script for Zoton which was to help her reflux.

I saw results instantly. She wasnt screaming all the time and was actually smiling again. Sleep got a little better but not great. The Early childhood nurse recommended that we go to sleep school. So I did that. Was interesting and I learnt alot too! Finally she slept how she should be sleeping. I was getting sleep too….yay!. This all lasted a couple of months then it was back to how she was before.

Everytime she sees me she cries. I can be out of the room and she will be happily playing with her dad or brother/sisters, as soon as I enter the room she comes running over and starts crying.

So no this isnt a new thing. This has been ongoing since the day she was born. She is apparently dairy intolerant and the reason I say apparently is cause she hasnt been officially tested. She can be so good but then come sleep time, nope its just a screaming session. I dont even bother anymore I just get her back up. She didnt even go to bed last night until after 9pm which is a far cry from the 6pm that she was in routine for.
I am tired I am exhausted and I want to do this. How can I do something for me though when I cant even get the basics like sleep right :(

Sorry for the long post but hopefully this helps you understand a little more about what I am trying to cope with. I usually have turned to food to get me through and I am really loving the fact that Mish has my back atm on twitter as do all that I have come to chat with in the @12wbt family. I really do appreciate it. My head is even that stuffed up atm that I was contemplating having hot chocolate with my breakkie for a pick me up sugar boost. Food has been my friend since all this started happening. I stopped when I got on the scales and found I had ballooned to 80.9kg! That was a long way from my normal 60-65kg. I was devastated. I did lose weight and am still surprisingly under that original weight. This keeps up though and I will go back there. I dont want to do that. Its jsut so hard atm and with little help (hubby does 12hr shifts) I am on my own at night with her since he is leaving at 5am and isnt back in the door until after 7pm so he needs sleep. Problem is I do too!

Will think of you all with each silly thought to go to the fridge (although there isnt anything real bad in there. Not even chocolate…lol) Heres hoping it ends soon.

Cath xoxo

Having a bad time of things! Must find something positive!

Well I have a toddler who just wont sleep. She doesnt go to bed at night until 9pm and thats with a fight and then as soon as I head to bed she wakes. Tonight for example, I was in bed by 11pm. She woke at 12 and has been awake every hour since then! I have now been awake with her since 2.30am and im tired. Im exhausted and im trying so hard to avoid the fridge for something to boost me up to stay awake to cope with her.

How do you other mums get through this and still lose weight? Its the lack of sleep behind the reason I gained in the first place. I am not feeling so positive anymore about this at all. Its actually scaring me that I will quite possibly just become run down since I know that sleep forms a major part of weight loss.

I did this cause it was something for me and something that I am already seeing results with and hasnt even started BUT I am feeling the effects of trying to get through each day on less than 3-4hrs sleep overnight. I know its this that put me here but now how do I be strong enough to JDI and more importantly how do I get through the days without my usual binge on sugary snacks just so I last out the day?

I know this is another curve ball that life throws and I am trying VERY hard to find a solution to this problem but unless my toddler starts sleeping properly does this mean I am setting myself up for failure? Any other mums out there done this and came out the other side?

Now at least typing this up has helped me avoid the fridge. I cant believe that in around 3hrs my toddler will be ready to go for the day…..thing is she isn’t even asleep after her 2.30 wake up yet :( Give me strength people to get through this. Feeling pretty down about all this right now *cry*

Cath xoxo

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I did it! I walked 45 mins even though I was hurting beforehand!

Woohoo another day almost done and dusted! Woke up this morning feeling great but then after sitting with my baby girl for a while and getting up......


My thighs, calves, arms, tummy and even my back hurt! This is apparently a good thing since it means I worked muscles I hadn’t in a long time but still owie! I set myself the mindset that I would just relax today since I did 100 mins yesterday! What an IDIOT!! I am so pathetic sometimes with these stupid excuses I make that I really have to stop.
Chatted again with my 12WBT friends on twitter who all said that a nice slow walk would help followed by a nice hot bath (will do tonight once Tilly is in bed). So when my eldest daughter was heading to work, I loaded Tilly up in the pram and off I went. I walked her to work then got a few groceries (I had ran out of my soups I have for lunch) and headed home. I realised halfway home that I forgot to get firelighters! Instead of turning around and going back I decided that I feel pretty good so go the long way right down past home and around the block back to the shop. Gotta love living in the country as it is uphill/downhill and not the flattest of surfaces to walk on. Legs were feeling great, all the hurt was disappearing! What was better....


Got up walked out the door and gone! I am loving this! And it will only help me in my full weightloss journey.

Who says you cant have help when trying to eat right!

No wonder I am always hungry with all this healp I get eating up my food! My juice was guzzled by my darling 20mth old Matilda

and that was part of my breakkie too. I have my oats and a glass of juice every morning except today it was half a glass!

 Oh well she can get healthy with mummy ;)

Pre-Season Task 2 is up and it was a shock to the system!

So pre-Season task two went up and it was very confronting to have all those home truths thrown back at me for being excuses! Our task is to put all our excuses down on paper and then how we will go about getting around them! No more I cant or I don’t want to. This is all about doing and not just sitting there as no one can do this for me. I am the only person who can lose my weight. I have to stop throwing blame around as to whose fault it is cause there is always a way to work things back into our favour.

SO here are my excuses with what I plan to do to get around them should they occur.

Not Motivated Enough! (my fave)
How can I be not motivated when I want this. I want to lose weight and sitting on the lounge isn’t going to get that for me is it! I have to just get up and do it. No more excuses, no more just being lazy. Laziness doesn’t burn calories or get me where I want to be in life! I have to just get up, get dressed, put the shoes on and go without thinking about it long enough to talk myself out of it.

I am way too Tired
Not an excuse at all since I could have gone to bed earlier. It is hard when Tilly wont sleep properly at night but it’s how she has been since she was born. It’s not a new thing. I have to deal with it and keep on keeping on. A good night sleep actually aides weight loss so for this to work I am going to have to start heading to bed earlier.
Not fit enough, Not in good shape
How can I say I’m not fit enough when I can pull of days like yesterday where I did 100mins exercise and that isn’t including the house work. It is just a terrible excuse that I have to say good bye to. I showed myself that I am maybe not the fittest person and im not the hottest chick on the block but I can do this and I will succeed.

My Kids will laugh at me working out
What a load of crap! I know I tell myself this on weekends when they are home. I don’t want them to make fun of me. In actual fact they can laugh all they want. Whether they know it or not they will learn from my healthy habits young and hopefully take it through life with them. This is a win win for all. I also can always exercise Monday to Friday while they are at school then go walking on weekends when they are home to avoid this anyhow.

Cant afford to go to the gym or buy the right clothing/shoes/equipment
Walking is free as is using my own cross trainer. I have workout dvds here too that can be used. This is no longer an excuse now that I can see the way to get around it. 

I did enough exercise today to last a few days or I had a loss this week so I can lax a little since its day one of the next week
It doesn’t work that way and I know it. Even though the legs might hurt there is no reason I cant at least get up and go for a walk. JFDI. No thinking just do it. Its all just BS when excuses come into it.

Its all good I can start again tomorrow!
Big NO NO! There is no tomorrow and im kidding myself if I think that way. Not having that tim tam wont kill me, in fact it will make me stronger to resist the next urge. To avoid this I must get rid of the temptations from around me although I have found with hubby smoking his few a day and knowing that are right there, I am a stronger person since I am saying no to something that would be so readily available. I must just simply say NO. Its not that hard and I will feel great once I get to the illusive goal.
I cant believe that all these years I have lived behind these excuses.

I need to start looking at this from a different angle. This is about a life changing choice not just a small decision. Its going to be hard but I can do this and with my new 12WBT family and Michelle Bridges this is going to all become a full reality.


I am Learning! Slowly but surely I am learning!

Food intake was so much better yesterday. I got a good tip from Mish that 1200 is the magic number. Yesterday I not only came in 240 cals under the 1200 but I didn’t eat any of the 530ish cals I had burnt through exercise! I was so proud of myself. It didn’t come easy and I even end the night in a begging session with Mish just to let me have just something....anything. I’ll explain a little later in this entry.

Todays food intake was

Breakkie – 1 tub Le Rice Apple and Cinnamon Dairy Dessert – 164 Cals
Snacks – NONE
Lunch – 2 sachet of County Cup Tomato Soup and crutons – 100 Cals
- 2 slices of toast (thin white bread) – 146 Cals
- 2 tsp of nuttlex marg – 62 cals
Snacks – 1 tub ForMe Sticky Date Pudding Yoghurt – 68 Cals
Dinner – Spaghetti Bols Mish style with lots of added veg – 456 Cals
- 1 glass of Coke Zero – 1 Cal
TOTAL – 935 Cals for the day.

-          40 mins Walking 6kph – 203 Cals
-          40 mins Walking 4kph – 142 Cals
-          30 day shred – 190 Cals

Not a bad day at all when you look at it like that. I will however try harder to get to my daily 1200 cal limit since I was left feeling a bit woozy by the end of yesterday and the tummy was churning.
Speaking of food......last night I though hmmm ill have one of those Weight Watchers Sticky Date puddings in the frezer. So I tweeted that I was and the whole subject turned to how many calories in it to which I was surprised to find there are around 180 cals in one little  serving. That quickly went back but not before I was again caught out by Mish

no yr not!! Think about how that kind of mindless eating has made u unhappy in long term! Be empowered say no. Wakeup tom happy!

BUSTED! I asked if a ForMe yoghurt would be ok since it only contained 68 Cals. Surely that would be fine for a snack? Again I was wrong!

love, this is your thing. You eat at night! Time to break the habit! It's 930 game OVER! End of story!! You'll thank me tomoro

Ok ok. I was hungry or so I thought. One more try! How about an apple. Something nice and healthy...she isn’t going to tell me no, she will be happy that I have chosen a healthy option to snack on.....boy oh boy was I wrong!

nope! Enough! Game over babe! Trust me! Tomoro breakfast is yr next meal. It's just habits. U r a night eater no more. Go 2 bed!

That was that. No more snacking for me. She is so right that I am a night time snacker and it goes to show that Michelle is on top of all of us by keeping up with our blogs and reading our introductions! She is so amazing and I am so luck to be able to say at the end of this


Scales tell it like it is!

It all started this morning when I was contemplating with my new twitter friends whether or not to get on the scales when I was confronted with

Scales tell hard facts. Don't get emotional. They r reflection of ur work. If u had to bet on gain,loss,maint, what would u bet?

Michelle was onto me. I am learning you cannot hide anywhere and to me that is a wonderful thing as there will be no slip ups. I immediately went in and jumped on the scales. Hearing the beep of it to tell me it was ready was not only confronting but I was unsure still whether or not to look! I heard Mish’s voice in my head saying ‘JFDI Cath’ So I looked. All that time spent getting myself worked up was quickly resolved when I realised I had lost 400g! 400g gone in 3 days. Why couldn’t I have done this before? What was I doing wrong? I tweeted about my loss and how confused I was since I hadn’t really changed anything. Mish again was there and told me to think about what I would change if I was in TBL house since I would lose weight there. We got it down to possibly portion sizes.
I went through the day with a spring in my step! I had lost weight in 3 days. I can do this. I can become the person I have wanted to become for a long time now but always given up. I worked hard too with exercise! 40 minute power walk to take Tilly to day care, then housework (which we all know burns calories as well) followed by Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred level 1 and finally finished the day with another 40 minute walk to pick Tilly up from day care. I proved to myself yesterday that I am NOT as unfit as I try to make myself out to be. I did 100mins of exercise in one day. I was lucky to be pulling that in one week! I think this journey will teach me a lot about myself that I had been doubting or just making excuses for.
Highlight so far for my day was in reply to my weight loss tweet


I think this 12 Week Body Transformation with Michelle Bridges is going to be one of the best things I can do for not just myself but for my family.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Bugger bugger bugger!

After several attempts to get todays blog up but the silly thing keeps losing info and kind of deleting it as im typing. So for tonight I give up and will do it tomorrow! Was a great day today too and I want to share it with you all

Well Here are my stats for the last few week

Not great since I quit smoking just after I reached my first goal and it was all downhill from there!

Here hoping that this next step will take me over and above where I want to be.

SW=Start Weight, CW=Current Weight, WLTW=Weight Loss This Week, TWL=Total Weight Loss, WIW?=Weigh In Week ?, GW?=Goal Weight ?, 10%GW=10% of start weight, EGW=Estimated Goal Weight

SW - 74.6kg
CW - 75.6kg
WLTW- 0g
TWL - -1kg
WIW1 - 73.3kg (WL 1.3kg)
WIW2 - 73.6kg (WG 300g)
WIW3 - 73.2kg (WL 400g)
WIW4 - 73.6kg (WG 400g)
WIW5- 74.6kg (WG 1kg)
WIW6 - 75.4kg (WG 800g)
WIW7 - 75.6kg (WG 200g)
GW1 - 73.6kg ACHIEVED 5/04/10
GW2 -73kg
GW3 -72kg
GW4 -70kg
GW5 -68kg
10%GW - 67.1kg
EGW - 65kg Then we will see how we are feeling and go from there

Measurements after 5 weeks

Chest - 90.5cm - 88cm (-2.5cm)
Waist - 76cm - 79cm (+3cm)
Hips - 96.5cm - 97cm (+.5cm)
Thigh - 56cm - 52cm (-4cm)

I am off to bed now and will be back tomorrow to post some more of my journey to this point. I will be changing alot of these figures to reflect where I am now. I like my goals to be with 1 or 2 kg as its nice to see goals coming often and is more rewarding than setting a goal of like 5kg since that will take alot longer to reach.

Will update this tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Rain doesnt mean you can lax out :)

Well it is cold and raining outside. I have managed to keep my food intake to what I planned so far as well as some time on the cross trainer. I even have had lots of play time with my little girl who is driving me crazy with her non sleeping although she did sleep for 2 hours today at lunch time!

Food so far today has been

Breakkie - Uncle Tobys Oats - Weightwise
No Snacks as was fine
Lunch - Tomato cuppa soup with 2 slices of toast
Snacks - Le Rice Apple and Cinnamon

Have also manage 10km in 25.33mins on the cross trainer. Not to bad at all I dont think. I have also drank around 3 x 750msl pump bottle of water.

I think this time my head is in the right place to do this and achieve the weightloss I have been longing for since my baby girl was born. I will do a background story later on as to how I got to where I am today.

Cant wait for the 21st June! I am already counting down the days :)

Well I took the plunge.....

Sitting around on a computer isnt going to lose my weight for me now is it! Oh how we wish it would. Maybe one day but right now it isnt happening. In the last 3 weeks I have given up smoking cold turkey and with that came weight gain. I was trying to eat right, I was walking everyday but it wasnt enough. Evert Monday at weigh in the numbers were going in the wrong direction. It wasnt fair!

I had been looking in on this fandago program with Michelle Bridges called the 12 week body transformation. It was one of those ill do it, oh but the cost, nah I cant justify spending that on ME. Then after a long chat with my dear husband I signed up late Sunday night. It was the 23rd May and I had taken a stand to get back some of the ME that I once knew. My time to change has begun!

So I have created this blog which I will check in daily (when time permits with a toddler and studies) so that I can have a record and to anyone else who wants to read along through the highs and lows of my journey. I know it will be tough but if I want to change then this is it. It all starts NOW! no more ill do it tomorrow, no more but it was just one piece. Water will become my best friend and first option over a cold coke (oh how I will miss thee) and an apple over a piece of chocolate. This is a good thing! As Mish would say, JFDI! (Just $%^&ing Do It!)

Here I am at the start of the 12 week challenge that I am so pumped to be starting. I have already been made feel like part of a new little (actually its quite large) family who I am sure will be kicking my butt along with Michelle should I slip up! 12 weeks isnt forever and with any luck this will be a major start to losing weight! Who knows, I may just even get close to my goal weight ;)