I am important! I am worth it and I am loved!

Well what a week! After my major breakdown, I sit here smiling like a Cheshire cat. It was weigh in day yesterday and you know what. Even after my bad week, I still registered a loss of almost 1kg! How amazing is that. I am so proud that I was actually able to hold it together, not over eat and still lose weight. WOOHOO!! I have even gone out walking a couple of times this week too :)

So how am I feeling today? Happy, relaxed and calm. Compared to last weeks roller-coaster, this week has been bliss. I have to keep remembering that its tough being mummy at the best of times. It is a thankless job but in the same token it is so rewarding. Quite possibly the most rewarding job on the earth actually.

I have been thinking a lot the last few days and have come to the conclusion that.......

I am important! I am worth it and I am loved!

I need to remember that always. I need to remember that even when times seem like they are at there darkest, no matter what, I am still important, I am still worth it and I am still loved. It just may not seem like it at the time but its always there. Those ideologies never change. I should be proud of my efforts this year. I mean heck, I am 1 year through a 4 year degree as well as still being full time mum. This is why I need to remind myself that I am important, worth it and loved. Its these reasons that got me through this year.

I have even bit the bullet so to speak and spent a whole $26.50 on a new JFDI hat courtesy of the lovely Sally who I think is doing the 12WBT main round. I figure that not only is it a hat just for me but it will also remind me daily that I need to get out there and JFDI! No-one can lose this weight for me. Only I can do that. Michelle gives us the tools but its what we choose to do with those tools that makes the difference.

Anyhow, enough babble from me for today. The older children are at school and I have a toddler to get off to daycare.

As Michelle would say "EAT CLEAN, TRAIN HARD AND MAKE EACH DAY COUNT!"

Thought I  would add in my montage for this weeks challenge. I know that the pic with Michelle isnt recent but its what keeps me honest somedays :)

Cath xoxo

Its been a while between blogs.....but its been for good reason :)

Wow! Its been 2 weeks since my last blog and so much has been going on in my life during that time.

First of all.....I HAVE COMPLETED MY FIRST YEAR OF UNI!! It was this program that gave me the confidence to even go to the UAC site and apply and now here I sit 12 months later and already 1 year into my degree.....as one of my peers said to me the other day....we are quarter teachers now ;)

Secondly, I have been working madly in this house since the owners have put it up for sale and we had the first open house on the weekend....mind you I spent so much time and put in so much effort for this yet I was kinda disappointed when not one person turned up. I spent my weekend after that being hardly able to move as I was just aching from the constant moving and working.

Finally, I have to admit that during this last two weeks my lifestyle has been far from the perfect one I wanted. My eating habits have gone to crap again since I spent over a week sitting up till 4am then starting the day at 7am. Its what needed to be done to get through all the assessments that were due. Why they make them all due at the same time I just don't know but I have realised that I need to be more organised next year since first semester back its 5 units!! 3 of those are distance. Will need to ensure that I am on the ball and disciplined enough to get through sufficiently.

On a brighter note, my exercise and eating may have gone out the window but that little inner voice has gone quiet. I gained 100g last week which was to be expected and I really dont want to weigh in tomorrow but the truth hurts and its what makes us stronger! This is my journey and I am still learning so much even 12 months on. This is the time that I would normally just be like "pft, who cares, 2 weeks wasted so may as well just give up now and start next round". That is not who I am now though. I promised myself that I would only have 2 weeks to get through the struggling time with university and that time is up. There are now no more excuses to hold me back!

Its my time to shine, and shine I will. I promised myself, my family and Michelle I would do this and stop letting people down. I am now back and ready to give this my 100% commitment without the perils of study to hold me back!

Good luck everyone and I hope you are travelling well.

Cath xoxo

A Sunday in October to Remember.....or is it?

What a weekend!! Its always a good thing when you can stand up proudly and say your team are the premiers as they won the grand final. Yes....I am a Manly fan and I said it many times over the last 72 hours.....

GO MANLY!! WOOHOO!! 2011 PREMIERS!!

Ok now that is done, its time to get down to business. So what have I been doing this long weekend? Its quite simple really, I kept it clean on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Monday but I did splurge on Sunday evening.

Sunday was grand final day and I think I need to find a balance so that I can make this work. Its not every year nor every day that your team make a grand final let alone win one! So on Sunday, I drank some (a lot) empty calorie alcohol, I ate some bbq sausages and I absolutely gorged on garden salad. I had an amazing day and I have no regrets. The scales tomorrow may tell a different story, but it was one day, that is now well and truely over. The bad habits did not continue and they haven't snuck back in so that has to be something I am learning along the way.

I remember watching an episode of Biggest Loser US not long ago and it was about balance and how one of the contestants was very upset and refusing to go out to diner with her family since she couldnt find any healthy options on the menu. Jillian spoke to her about having a balance in her life and that she should not give up that dinner. (I must say that I do like the biggest loser US format of how the contestants go home for 30 days before the final one is chosen). I thought about how its true, we do all this working out and healthy eating that surely one day is not going to derail a lifetime AS LONG AS YOU ARE STRONG TO KNOW WHEN TO STOP!!

I had an amazing day on Sunday mingling with friends and enjoying some time with hubby away from the busy lifestyle of parenthood. For one afternoon I was just Cath....I dont get that very often at all as I am always the mum. I splurged and I enjoyed. I did however ensure that I set my days following up healthy. I have however lapsed on my early morning walks. Between exhaustion of dealing with ill children and now I have a raspy throat (it was only a matter of time before I got sick), not to mention trying to get through my last two weeks of uni.....its just all building up. I have told my walking partner that I need to finish these final weeks then I have nothing left to use as an excuse! I have 4 assessments and what seems like nowhere near enough time but that is another story......at least I am staying away from the late night chocolate and instead indulging in a late night green tea with a dash of lemon.

So there you have it. My confession. Forgive me Michelle for I have sinned but I will say that it feels amazing knowing that I can have that one day and know that the next day, everything returns to normal. The scales may not be kind to me tomorrow, but that just means I have a lot of extra work to do this week to ensure the damage is repaired. I am finding myself putting everything into perspective of calories.....if I have that then I have to walk for 'x' amount of time. That kind of thought for me helps to know that whatever it is needs to be burnt off so is it REALLY needed.

Good luck to everyone with weigh in tomorrow. It will be a big step for me since I usually dont even bother and slowly but surely I withdraw from the program.

NOT THIS TIME!

I am the strong one and I will overcome every hurdle there is during this time. I have not failed if I keep trying, its only when I give up totally do I then become a failure.

Take Care

Cath xoxo

A lightbulb moment or is that two?

Well its almost the end of week one and I have tried a few new things as well as some old just to see where they matched up.

Well I have had my first light-bulb moment! I just wish I had of realised this earlier!

On Monday, Tuesday, Friday & today, I was up and out of bed by 5.10am. Today it was 6am and it was raining! I couldn't believe I was outside, in the rain, just to get my workout done. 5km later and feeling amazing I was done. Today though, I decided that since I spent Thursday procrastinating, I would come home and spend some time on the cross trainer. I first went for a goal of 5km but then thought nope, 10km is where I should be heading.....26 mins later and that too was done! 7.45am this morning and close too 900 calories later and I was done! As with all the mornings, workout is over BEFORE that little inner voice has even woken up. Its fantastic!

Now Wednesday was a rest day but at uni I managed to work up a sweat whilst practising for our drama performance! So I will take it that I did some extra exercise. As for Thursday, well what a day....it is this day that I had my light-bulb moment!.....I woke up at 4.45am as normal but since the lady I was walking with was having a day off, what did I do......I got up, turned the alarm off and went back to bed /sigh. The old Cath won over and I went back to bed. I reset the alarm & got out of bed at 7.30 to get ready for uni.

So here is my first of two light-bulb moments!

I realised that having someone supportive to walk with is a good thing as they motivate you without even talking. Just knowing they are going to be there is motivation in itself since no-one wants to let anyone down by not turning up. When I had to meet my friend down the road at her house, I made the effort to get up and head out. On Wednesday evening we decided that we would not walk Thursday morning. I said yep that's fine I can do something on the cross trainer when I finish uni.......*insert evil inner voice laugh here*

Thursday morning, the alarm goes off and as I said, I went back to bed. All good I thought, ill get this done after uni. I wasn't letting anyone down after all.....WRONG! I was letting me down. This brings me to my second light-bulb moment.....

I have done something different this week to what I normally have done and that is get out of bed and JFDI! I am talking 5am get out of bed too. I have found during this last week that if I get up in robot mode then I have no time to procrastinate and therefore will finish what I set out to do. Thursday though, I gave time for that little voice to start with the excuses and reasons to put off the workout for later in the day which we all know never happens as something else always comes along.

So there are my 2 light-bulb moments! Having an exercise partner really does help. We also made a pact to each other that we would not bail out unless it was extremely important and wanting a sleep in didn't count! I mean heck, she has set the bar high as her hubby is in hospital atm with heart problems and she was still there waiting for me this morning to go walking! That is motivational inspiration right there. Getting your workout done first up before that voice wakes up is definitely a must! Besides, nothing better than being out when that sunrise happens....it really is gorgeous

So this weeks stats are:

Time Spent Exercising: 4:01hh:mm
Distance Walked: 29.3 km
Calories Burnt: 2376 cals

I am happy with that and with what I have achieved this week. Here's hoping I can make next week a little better

In the words of the amazing Michelle.....EAT CLEAN AND TRAIN HARD.

Cath xoxo

Its a struggle but its got to be done!

So weigh in day for week 1.....bought back a lot of struggles that I usually face when it comes time to stand on the scales. I stand there pondering and thinking about the week just been, what I have achieved (or haven't achieved) and finally will those numbers fall and how will I deal with it if they dont. I can stand there for what literally feels like an eternity just analysing everything. That is my downfall......I over analyse EVERYTHING! Things that are good, I basically find what is bad and talk myself out of whatever it is.

Today though, I got up, went to the bathroom....took a deep breathe......

AND

It was an 800g LOSS!! I was stoked. I need to have more confidence in myself since I had done everything right these last few days. I mean heck, I am getting out of bed at 5am in the morning (and I am so not a morning person). That in itself is a major achievement. I even commented to a friend that I walk with the other morning that I hadn't seen a sunrise unless it was walking home from a pub back when I was young and silly.

So there it is, what a start! The groundwork has been set. I need to have faith in myself and be honest. I would have to be silly to think that my inner voice is right all the time especially when she is saying that just one piece wont hurt, or just one glass of coke is ok....the best one though that I am learning to beat very fast.....you worked out this morning and have spare calories there......not anymore! This is tough love Cath in the house and I wont take listening to that ever again. Its that inner talk that has me here overweight and unhappy. Its that inner talk that had me regain the weight I worked so hard to lose 12 months ago.

Its my time to shine and be a better role model to my children. During my journey, I felt so guilty with every person that signed up to the program because of me being so inspirational......I dont feel inspirational......I feel more like a fraud. Obviously these people see something that I dont and that something is what I want to find. That fire I found burning during last years first 12WBT round.

It is time for me to be honest to me, to Michelle, to my family. I need to produce something big this round cause I feel if I dont then I have failed the most important person in this equation.......

ME!

Walk the talk....that is what I need to do and with just a tad of support and a lot of trust which I already have in Michelle and the program.....I might just come out of this ok.

Cath xoox

PS Listening to Michelles intro tonight on the live feed felt like it was written just for me. Certainly shut that voice up that was telling me to get chocolate which is funny since there is zero chocolate in this house (yep even hubbies stash is gone!)

Well, I couldnt come back to this since first of all the bank cancelled my credit cards due to then being compromised (yay bank but not yay for me as it meant my payment couldnt be processed!) and now to top it off I think my toddler has chickenpox. Got to love the joys of being a mum right! Final 3 weeks of uni, assessments coming out of my ears and a sick toddler as well as a workout routine to look after.

What to do.....

The old Cath would have just tossed everything aside and quite possibly turned to all food that is bad but something is different.....

The new Cath is ready to go!

Since day one kick off yesterday, I have got up to my alarm at 4.50AM, got out of bed, dressed and organised, then off I go. Meet up with a friend and we walk for around 40 minutes! Both mornings, I have burnt my 500 cals and walked 4km before 6am! Its great since there is no time for the excuses to kick in at that time of the day...not to mention how gorgeous the sunrise is. Makes you appreciate living in the country I have attached pics from the last 2 days. It is just divine to watch!

 Mondays Sunrise

Today's Sunrise

So as for my epiphany, to buy junk food you need money. I am one of the first ones to say how tight our budget is yet I seem to be able to mange to buy a chocolate. Without money, we wouldnt be able to buy these luxuries that we should just rub onto our arse cause thats where they are going. So why do I find myself always struggling with money but have it there to get the wrong food? Why.....because that little inner voice (you know the one that says "just one more bite wont hurt") has been in control. Not anymore! I am taking charge and I am putting that little voice back in its box. This is the same voice that gives me all the excuses in the world to not exercise and the same voice that has me where I am now.....overweight and unhappy!

I havent yet done my fitness test but will get to it today. I am sure once I finish there will be tears of sadness since looking at where I am now to where I was 12 months ago makes me feel ashamed and disappointed. I am back with the 12WBT program though, ready to shake it, move it and lose it! There are no more excuses left in the book and slowly but surely I am learning how to defeat that inner demon.

Morning walks are going to be part of my new routine and if its raining, ill either get wet or ill jump on the cross trainer since that sits right at the door!

I am beating my demons one day at a time and so far, the outcome is looking amazing.

Bring on weigh in day tomorrow!!

Until next time, in Michelles words "EAT CLEAN and TRAIN HARD" Be honest to yourself with what you are doing and eating.

Cath xoxo

And here we are....back again for Round ummm I forget now!

Uni studies and assessment have got in the way of me spending some time to suss out the blogger sites so I can create a new one. So I shall just start here and once I have a free moment, will transfer this to somewhere more permanent.

So where to begin. I guess the very beginning as is always said. I have done my intro post so you already know that I am a mum of 4 and happily married and its not hard to see I am a returning member since I have the big tag below my avatar displaying that fact. So what happened? Why am I still here after 5 rounds yet promote the program so happily.

Cause I am the one who has failed. Not the program. That is the honest truth. Its tough to admit when we are wrong and not try and find blame on someone else. I did try though! I blamed my hubby, I blamed my children.....I blamed the local gym for not get another personal trainer when the regular one left. I blamed everyone but the person whose fault it really was............

MINE!

So here I am back again 5 round later and after an amazing first round where I found myself after being lost for so long went back to that place that I had worked so hard to come from. The bonus however is that whilst I was in a good place and things had gotten better back then is the fact I applied for university. I was accepted and am currently 3 weeks off finishing my first year!

I have had an epiphany in the last few days to which I will share with you all tomorrow. It is something we all know but we all seem to forget so easily too. I call this my lightbulb moment....Michelle would be nodding her head and clapping her hands saying oh my gosh.....finally she gets it.

Until tomorrow.

Much love, luck and not too much food

Cath xoxo