So, watching big brother last night (yes I do watch the show....lol), and my 5 year old hands me a Lorna Jane catalogue. Now usually I love looking through them as I do love LJ but I just found myself getting angry and upset. Here I was watching on tele all these gorgeous girls with amazing bodies and in the LJ book the same thing.....then there is me. A frumpy 37 year old with 4 kids who has been mum since I was 17 and realising that I could never look like these girls do as they are all so young. I was close to tears......but then I thought some more.....if I am looking at the world that way, then how are my kids looking at it? Is this why we have problems with youngsters and eating disorders? Is this why our kids have problems with body image?
Now I know to some this might sound like I was in a stupid place that I shouldnt have been in but I was really hurt and really down. To be honest, I stuck to the challenge for almost 6 solid weeks. Did all the training, ate the food as I was told and then took that dreaded progress photo and you know what I saw....nothing. No changes. I still had the muffin top that disgusts me when I look in the mirror. Yes I was lighter on the scales by a couple of kilo but it also changed my mindset to a downhill run. I started thinking that I shouldnt have to go without cause hey, nothing is changing anyway.....
Then the bad habits slipped back in.....I started skipping training sessions. My diet is spot on and clean of a day but then night time hits and I sit back and see these gorgeous people on tele and think bah ill never get there so the hard days work is lost in a sea of popcorn and icecream! Everywhere I look there is people who are young fit and toned up. I remind myself that these ladies havent had kids but I know that is just an excuse. I say well if I had the time they did I wouldnt be where I am.....yep another excuse.
Taking the time to sit and reflect I think is important in this journey. We need to remember that we are not all the same and we are not all travelling the same direction. Life is different for everyone and whilst that person may have hours and hours to devote to the gym and food, another may not. Sometimes a reminder from our own children puts everything where it needs to be to know that you are loved and appreciated. This is what my 19 year old daughter wrote just the other day when things seemed like an uphill battle;
"You are an amazing woman, and you have done better than a majority of the uni students anywhere, raising four kids as well as a full time uni degree, and on top of that helping dad and myself with ours, when you can."
That one reminder that you are important to people and that there is a major reason you are getting healthy. So where am I going with this......
Sometimes we just have to go back to where we started. Beginning again does not mean you have quit, it just means you have hit a bump in the road. Thats life and we must pick ourselves up and get back on the wagon.
Ok I got off track.....so am I alone in feeling like this? I think this is going to be a tough hole to pull myself out of this time :(
Until next blog, keep on trying and whatever you do.....DONT GIVE UP!!!